Intro: It’s Christmas, which means it’s time for stories around the fireplace about ruddy faced fat men who steal presents, I think that’s how it goes anyway. Below is my attempt to join the Christmas canon. I’d love to tell you what inspired it, but truthfully, I can’t remember. It’s one I’ve been tweaking for a long time. Now is the time to stop tweaking and for some of you lovely people to start reading. Enjoy.