Murderous Talk

Introduction: today’s story is a bit different as I took the prompt, conversation, quite literally. If you are offended by swearing, murder and horrible people, then you might want to give this a miss. It’s possible I got a bit carried away, although I like to pretend it’s also quite funny. Enjoy.

‘What the fuck did you do that for?’

‘Well, he was in the fucking way, wasn’t he?’

‘The fucking way, you spunking cunt nugget? What the shit are you talking about? He was asleep!’

‘Yea, well now he won’t wake-up, will he?’

‘Jesus fucking Christ and the dog he rode in on, you are a right useless wanker, you know that?’

‘Stop fucking swearing at me.’

‘I’ll stop cunting swearing at you when you start doing the cunting job right, alright you insignificant cum bubble?’


‘Oi, shut your pie hole before I sew it up for you, we need to get going, it’s nearly midnight.’

‘Don’t see why it needs to be done before midnight. What difference does it make?’

‘It’s what the posh twat wanted, wasn’t it? The amount he’s paying us I’ll do it with my cock flapping in the wind, what does it matter?’

‘Weird, innit? Who cares when you kill someone, long as you kill them.’

‘That cunt, clearly. Now hold open the window for me like a good little mistake.’

‘I wasn’t a mistake. Mum said I was an attempt to save the marriage.’

‘Is that better? Right, I got it, in you come.’

‘Didn’t work, either way. She shot Dad when I was two.’

‘Yea, well, I used to know your old man, and we are better off without him, son. Evil bit of work. Now, keep it down.’

‘Aren’t we all evil?’


‘We kill people, don’t we? That makes us pretty evil.’

‘If you’re about to develop a shitting conscience, this is not the time. Wait, here comes a guard, I’ll deal with him… got the prick, shove him in that corner there, out of the way.’

‘Not got no conscience, just don’t see how my Dad was any worse than the rest of us.’

‘Look, son. We all kill, you’re right. But there’s a difference between killing to get through the day and killing for the joy of it. The old ballsack who spunked you out into the world got pleasure from this shit. It was fucking weird.’


‘I wouldn’t think about it too much. Your head might explode. Now, the targets meant to be up here, according to the toff they’ll be asleep, so it should be an easy job. Quick stabby stabby, and we’ll be home in time to abuse ourselves before bed.’

‘I’m not into that shit, Bobby.’

‘I meant, oh never mind, look here’s the door, so shush for a second. Good stuff, I can hear snoring, in we go.’

‘What the fucking hell is that?’

‘That, my ignorant young friend, is a baby.’

‘A motherfucking baby! I’m not killing a shitting baby.’

‘Why not? You slit the throat of a sleeping man five minutes ago?’

‘That’s different?’


‘He’d had a chance to live his life, hadn’t he?’


‘Baby is just getting started, ain’t right to kill it.’

‘Is it not? Seems right to me when there are a few million pounds on the line. Let’s put it simply, either you kill that sleeping angel there, or I kill the both of you and take all the cash?’

‘You’re a horrible person, Bobby.’

‘Yea, so your Ma told me when I shoved my shitty dick in her mouth, but she enjoyed it all the same.’

‘That never happened.’

‘Just kill the bundle of shit and let’s get out of here.’

‘Fine. Done. What now?’

‘That’s it. It’s five to twelve. We got the job done.’

‘Why’s it glowing, Bobby?’

‘It can’t be glowing, that will just be a trick of the light.’

‘It looks like it’s glowing.’

‘Hm, you might just be right there. Were those symbols on the floor there before?’

‘Didn’t see them, Bobby.’

‘You know what, son. I think we shou- ARGH!’

‘Oh, fu-‘

If you enjoyed this story, please consider contributing to my Ko-fi, even the smallest amount is appreciated.

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